the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
