If i come over, it means nothing
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
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Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
third nipple confirmed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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