Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
