You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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