thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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