just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
