the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
