Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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