What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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