The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
