It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
