I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
