Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
