at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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