The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked