He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.