this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
