He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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