I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
