He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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