in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
