he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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