oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
