I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
