Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
