i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
