I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
