I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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