i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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