I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
