Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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