if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
