I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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