i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
