"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
