Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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