Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
