apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
