Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
