Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
