guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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