hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
