I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
