This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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