I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
