I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you inspire me to be a worse person
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
