it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
