we have pet lesbian snakes
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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