we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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