i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
