Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
