Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
