She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.