Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.