Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.