I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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