I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dating After Heartbreak
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian