I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.