I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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