I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
