i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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