all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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