It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
