what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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