Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
