Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am available for nakedness
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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