Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
