It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
