Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
