I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
